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“When was the last time we had sex”? A question that haunts us all in a relationship.
Haunting is probably the right word, because no one likes to live in a well-running relationship in the best case, without sex. And if the sex doldrums have nevertheless set in to our relationship, then how do we get rid of it?
But before we can get to the bottom of this solution, we should start at the very beginning. Namely with love and relationship. Many couples forget the essentials. Between sex, passion and lust, a small culprit often creeps in – ‘Everyday life’.
In its concentrated hoard of parades, children getting in the way, or annoying birthdays of family members, which fortunately you only see once a year, a low sex drive can set it, and you need to know what you can do about it.
Focus on the good in your relationship
Sometimes you don’t even need a reason, the lack of interest in closeness is enough. Fluctuations in libido are just as much a part of a well-running relationship as hot nights and deep conversations.
Maybe the latter two are going great. But the sex doldrums kill the lust, and this is something we can assure you of fundamentally.
If everything else is right, then the sex doldrums should not be a problem and above all no danger for you as a couple.
Because you have more in common in a well-running relationship than just sex.
And that’s nice and important. Even if the hours spent together in bed or on the sofa become less. That’s okay and can often happen.Eventually however, you evolve and sexual preferences also shift over the years.
But if you discuss your wishes together and listen sincerely, a “normal” sex lull should not harm your relationship, at least not if you accept tips and put work into everyday life. Thus ridding you of your low sex drive.
If you looking for a way to liven up sex, then why not try our article “Make missionary better”
Sex and love in a partnership
Love is known to grow like a plant that is well cared for. It grows and thrives and, in the best case, over years. From lust and the initial infatuation, becomes a reliable partnership that creates trust. A partnership in which you share not only the good, but also the fears and worries.
Priorities shift, or rather, shift in a way that best suits your shared situation. And it is completely legitimate if the heated bedroom air becomes a normal room temperature. The important thing is that you can talk to each other about it.
How sex adapts to a relationship
At some point, both partners want to change stages of life or situations in the course of their personal development. Give yourselves time and try to understand each other.
First of all, hold on to your connection, which has been consolidated over years and is fundamentally out of proportion to a hot night in terms of value. But when does it start to become critical?
When are we no longer talking about sex doldrums, but about a dry spell in which no water can be seen far and wide? When is the point at which the relationship has actually gone past the point of no return?
The causes of a low sex drive
For as long as you are not part of a relationship, it can be difficult to interpret what it is ultimately about.
There are many factors that can lead to a low sex drive in bed. Each person has a different sensation and is individual in their personal perception. Women and men in particular perceive such problems quite differently.
Among other things, it may be that a desired child sets out to turn your partnership into a family.
The woman is completely focused on the little miracle at the moment of birth. Almost bursting with love, this newborn also fulfills the complete physical urge for closeness.
But what happens to the man during this time? Sex becomes less. Love and affection must be distributed. Everyday life has to be completely re-established.
If at all there can be talk of a normal everyday life.
Because bedtime and fatigue determine your presence. For example, this can be a reason for a sex slump, but it will not pose a threat to your relationship as longs as you talk about it together, recognize the problem and, more importantly, tackle it.
Different problems need different solutions
Likewise, it can lead to a low sex drive if one of the partners takes on a new, important job that takes a lot of time. Sex simply becomes rarer, but the time together more.
Much more can come out of this, as long as you can just talk openly about it instead of complaining. Unless it just doesn’t fit between you. This, too, will settle down and show up over time.
It can also be very small everyday problems, topics such as doctor’s appointments, which you have been afraid of for weeks, or annoying work that you have absolutely no desire for.
This internal stress can lead to a loss of libido just like all other problems. Take yourselves seriously and above all the wishes of the other! Get involved and listen.
Identify and solve problems
However, all these are not unsolvable problems that automatically lose the fight against the doldrums of sex. Because as long as you both pull in the same direction, the problem should be solvable.
Communication and openness are the verbal key to success.
Just keep in mind that the head is the controlling sexual organ. Often everything begins and ends in our heads, in our thoughts. So if the head is full, it will be nothing. Away with the reproaches and here with the solutions.
A partnership is a good book, at some point, in the middle of the chapter, the passion passes in bed, but if both can talk about it, sooner or later it will be a happy ending.
If your female partner needs a little more attention in the bedroom, then why not try our article “Pleasing women”
Many couples know the problem of sex doldrums
Many couples have expectations. One higher, the other less. Expectations of others, of one’s own partner, family and friends. But above all, expectations of oneself.
But these expectations can eventually kill the common lust. A relationship means work. You have to learn to weigh up what is important. So here we have to get very personal. How important is sex to you in your relationship? And how do you feel when it unexpectedly disappears?
Understanding is the be-all and end-all
A partner who loves you will understand you and even if they can’t understand you, will make you feel equally comfortable and secure in your relationship. But unfulfillable ideals must not play a role in this.
Especially not if your desire for more sex is based on media and porn.
You should get rid of this as soon as possible, because these exemplified ideals are not good for you.
Forget such expectations and perceive what matters here and now.
Free yourself from external expectations. Always tell the other how you feel at the moment. No topic requires as much communication as sex in a relationship. Bring new rituals together into your partnership.
Quality over quantity
Much more important than a lot of sex, is good sex. That is, even if the frequency of the act of love decreases, this does not automatically mean that the passion increases.
Above all, you should know that sex does not always have to lead to orgasm. Take the pressure off having to orgasm your partner every time. Just the thought is enough to kill the lust. Sex with your partner is not a community of convenience. No one should do anything just to live up to expectations.
It is completely normal for sex to become less in a long-term partnership. Although it does not lose importance, it simply becomes less. But even that is not a problem, because there will always be new things coming to you. You will get to know your partner better and better over the course of your life.
Just like their sexual preferences. Once good sex a month, is ultimately worth a lot more than five times a week, it its simply bad sex, isn’t it?
Together you can do everything
Always aware of your love. Love and partnership is much more than just sex! Sharing moments together often works wonders. Talk openly with your partner and share your worries and fears. Perhaps the problem can be solved faster than you expected.
Always stay true to yourself and do nothing just because it is expected of you. A person who loves you will do their best to understand you.
Declare war on your sex doldrums together, and banish the low sex drive for good!