Here’s the thing about sex – like anything else, if you don’t put the effort in you don’t get the rewards, and it’s all too easy for things to become a little repetitive, dare we say it dull. But hey, modern life is fucking hectic, there’s never enough time to do all the things we want to do, so don’t beat yourself up if you’ve fallen into a rut where the sex is just OK. It happens to the best of us.
So what to do when the spark has faded, the flame is flickering and a quick bonk and a D- orgasm have become pretty much standard. It’s time to use your imagination a little, be adventurous and try something new. Because after all, what’s the point of an orgasm if it’s not an A++ So, how about dipping your toe into the exciting and possibly even mind-blowing world of bondage?
Great you say – Where do I start? And where’s the best place to get a gimp mask? And do I need to build myself a red room of pain out in the garden shed?! The answer to the last two questions is no! For a beginners guide to the wonderful world of bondage, read on.
TRUST
The first thing to remember is that no two people will ever have the same sensibilities when it comes to BDSM. Pain for one person is absolute euphoria for another, so it’s all about discovering what does it for you without actually causing any physical damage. And this leads us to pretty much the most important consideration for any bondage (or vanilla sex for that matter) experience – trust is an absolute must. So you really need to pick your partner well and make sure you feel 100% confident that this person is going to take care of you literally as well as sexually. If you’re getting kinky with your own partner it should be a given that the trust is there but if you are hooking up with someone on a kink site, listen to your guts and don’t go there if you have any doubts.
SAFE WORDS
The safe word – ah yes, that word/phrase/colour you’re supposed to shout out if things get too much and you don’t feel comfortable with where something is going. Well, here’s a thought how about the word stop?! It might just be me, but frankly I prefer to keep things simple, and unless your Dom doesn’t speak a word of English, he/she is going to get the message pretty quickly. Remember too that stop/red/enough whatever it is really does mean stop. Obeying the wishes of the Sub/person who is tied up is a cardinal rule in the BDSM world.
So, you’re all set with your safe words, you’re ready to go, what happens next? It’s time to decide who’s going to be tied up and who is going to do the tying. Usually in a relationship there will be one person who has a preference for one or the other, but if not then you can always take it in turns and see what works for you. As for what you tie your Sub up with, you can splash out on some kinky handcuffs if you like but if not there are plenty of things in your bedroom that will work just as well – a tie, a silk scarf, a belt – anything that feels comfortable and won’t cause painful welts – which aren’t really part of the fun. The same goes for a blindfold. If you don’t want to buy one, improvise.
So, Sub securely bound and blindfolded it’s time to start exploring. BDSM is all about the senses so this is where you get to play around with taste, touch and smell. If you want to start things off gently – because it’s not all about pain – then why not kick off with an all over body massage with some sexy massage oil? This will help relax you both and make your Sub’s body very responsive to touch. Next get the feathers out, and if you don’t have feathers a small paint brush or pastry brush will work just as well. Gently trail the brush all over the body, finding those sensitive spots that really trigger a reaction in your Sub’s body. This is your opportunity to get creative and really have fun exploring your partner’s body in ways that perhaps you normally wouldn’t.
The next stage is really up to you. You can keep things simple and straightforward and head straight for oral or whatever else floats your boat, or you can experiment with spanking and the introduction of some pleasure/pain techniques. These might include nipple clamps, clit clamps or a penis plug or probe.
Whatever you do, remember this is about enjoying yourself, so if something doesn’t feel right, don’t ever be afraid to say so. Don’t keep quiet and just endure it because you think it should feel amazing.
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Have fun!