What exactly is BDSM… Few sex novels have made such an impact as Fithy Shades of Gray, despite the fact that it deals with controversial BDSM practices that are clearly not for everyone.
You have probably already read the book or seen one of the films in the cinema and have been completely enthralled ever since.
Introduction to domination and submission
So far, the subject of BDSM is on everyone’s lips and rightly so, but few know exactly what it is, as it is usually more than whipping and being whipped. What is BDSM? In this article, I will explain to you exactly what it means.
Where the difference is between a sub and a dom and what that statement means. What a switch is and everything you need for a successful BDSM session.
Different terms you need to know to lay a perfect foundation for your successful BDSM experience.
What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline Dominance and Submission and Sadism and Masochism and thus combines the main components of sadomasochism. Bondage and Discipline stands for restraint and rearing games and thus describes an act as a role one assumes during.
Dominance and submission, means as much as dominance and submission. During the act itself, there must be a dominant and a submissive part. This separation may apply only to the BDSM act, but in some cases also throughout one’s daily life.
This kind of relationship is then called a “24/7 relationship”. Sadism and masochism is probably what first comes to mind when you think of BDSM.
Sadism and masochism is once the pleasurable causing of pain, which practically means that these people feel a thrill while hurting, or humiliating, someone else. This is achieved through tickling or spanking, for example.
On the other hand, the pleasure of feeling pain, which for this type of person also leads to a pleasure sensation….
SSC – Safe, Sane & Consensual
Safe, Healthy and Consensual is the alpha and omega and the motto in the BDSM scene.
It means as much as, “Safe, clear-minded and consensual” and should protect all participants first and foremost from abuse and other things that happen unwanted.
It thus establishes a clear framework of rules, which is necessary in this context.
In the BDSM and sadomasochistic scene, it is particularly important to communicate these rules and also adhere to them. It is very important for the couples practising these practices to emphasise this, because voluntariness and trust are the basic principles without which the practice of BDSM would be almost impossible.
Following the motto “Safety First”.
Similarly, there are numerous stop words, which are usually determined before the act, so that it cannot come during any miscommunication.
Is BDSM too difficult for you? Then Slow SEX. might be for you.
Usually this is a stop word like green, yellow and red. Green stands for a simple “everything is fine”, “yellow” tends slowly towards a physical or psychological limit, while the stop word “red” stands for an immediate cessation of all actions performed. In other words, a definitive stop.
The stop word may vary from person to person, as the word itself does not matter at all. It is only important to clearly state the boundaries and fill them in with an appropriate word.
Thus, proper communication is a must to have a perfect BDSM experience.
Dom und Sub
Within the BDSM scene, people often talk about Dom and Sub. But what does it actually mean?
Certainly you have heard one of these terms in the course of your life. Dom stands for the dominant partner, while sub, the submissive part, stands for the submissive.
Usually people talk about it as if they mean the people themselves, but it is more about the characteristics during the event. So practically speaking, how the person behaves.
The sub is led by the Dom during the (sex) session while he ties her up, whips her or simply humiliates her.
In turn, the sub submits and surrenders completely to the Dom’s actions, such as through BDSM punishment. In this case, sexual stimulation is the main focus for both participants.
It is also important to note that this practice is not exclusively a sex game, or the BDSM act itself.
It can also be a matter of everyday things, with one part simply overpowering the other.
Often submissive people yearn to be dominated by others, giving up all responsibility, to simply let themselves down.
In fact, it is often observed that career people, who have a lot to say in their work, take a submissive role during sex.
In other words, the exact opposite of what these people do in their professional lives. Interesting and shows once again that sexuality and preferences are not visually visible.
So in most cases, only communication remains before sex to define and define the different roles.
Master and slave
Master and slave means master and slave. The names are clear and almost self-explanatory.
Most outsiders assume that a sub and a slave are the same thing, but it is a bit more complicated than it seems at first glance.
Compared to a Master and his slave, the relationship between a Dom and a Sub is a power play, while the relationship between a Master and his slave is more like a relationship model.
However, it can be clearly stated that a slave always takes on the submissive part, while a sub does not necessarily have to be a slave.
In the BDSM relationship between master and slave, the slave takes care of the master’s needs, it does not matter whether it is daily life, or sexuality.
Similarly, a slave cannot end the relationship with his master because he has given all rights to his master.
In fact, this is not legally enforceable, but rather it is the fantasy that plays into it.
It is important to know exactly that this is a voluntary and self-selected role assignment, desired by all parties involved. Otherwise, a master-slave relationship would not be possible.
Even if it seemingly doesn’t look like it, mutual respect for one’s own desires and actions is a basic requirement for a successful master-slave relationship, however you want to interpret it, because nothing happens without consent.
Sadist and Masochist
These terms almost speak for themselves.
A sadist intentionally inflicts pain on someone, while a masochist is able to eroticise inflicted pain.
He gets a kick out of inflicting pain and this also leads him to his erection. As different as these preferences sound, they are so close to each other, for both draw their physical pleasure, from the experience of physical boundary experiences.
But again, nothing works without communication.
With a sadist and a masochist, however, it is not about an interpersonal relationship, like a master and his slave. It is about the pure act and the pleasure of it.
You should also know that pain does not equal pain and an individual’s perception of pain is not measurable. Which means someone does not have to feel pain while it seems unbearable to you.
Therefore, boundaries are set beforehand. As are the toys used during. Everyone has different preferences.
What does a switch mean?
A switcher is a person who can take on the active or passive role during a BDSM session.
You can also be a switcher if you are currently a sub, but you are toying with the thought of being a Dom in the near future.
There are also people who take on different roles in different relationships, whether they are mundane or purely sexual. It’s important to know that you don’t have to commit to anything at all, because it’s all about your preferences, which of course, like everything in this life, can change.
You have to be free of role models, because they can change all the time. The concept of role has nothing to do with actual gender.
In this context, you can easily try out and swap roles until you find the appropriate one.
Who is BDSM suitable for?
BDSM is as broad as sexuality itself. There are no universally defined rules or prohibitions, nor are there any limits placed on your imagination.
BDSM is suitable for people who want to reinvent or test themselves. Who want to give up control for once, or are interested in the feeling of dominating someone else.
Maybe just trying both sides once. There are countless toys that intensify the act. Try this, with a partner you trust.
Trust, besides communication, is the basis for BDSM. Try yourself out and let your imagination and secret thoughts run wild, because if not here, where?
The abbreviation BDSM stands for Bondage Discipline (BD), Dominance and Submission (DS) and Sadism and Masochism (SM))
Are you ready to have some BDSM fun? Maybe start experimenting with handcuffs and restraints before you start punishing too hard.