If I had to pick a user name back in March, it would have been something along the lines of “Miserable-Mommy”. I was ending a verbally abusive relationship, I was suddenly a single mom with no job, and I really thought I was the grossest person on earth. Then a friend told me about an article in “Elle”, and the story was about CAM4. 10 years ago I would have jumped on the site to broadcast, no problem. But it took me about a week to get up the courage to even look at the site. The first time I turned my cam on I didnt show my face, had no audio, and my only lighting was that from the laptop screen. I was so nervous, but it was the most empowering thing I had felt in years.
“These guys are complimenting me?” I thought to myself, I was in total disbelief! Something started to change in me after that first night, not only did I start getting more comfortable on cam, but I started being more comfortable in everyday life. I walked a little taller, I smiled a little more and I started to believe what my viewers were saying. I went from just laughing it off if someone said “Nice boobs” to saying right back ” Damn right they are nice!”. All the little insecurities I had about my body from my weight to how my vagina looks, became acceptance. All the things that were said in my relationship to bring me down, didnt make a difference anymore. I now Love my body and everything about it. I now exsute this confidence that is addicting. Cam4 has help me realize that there is always someone out there who finds you sexy enough to masterbate too (lol).
Camming gave me permission to be 100% me. When I cam, I am my fully weird ackward self. And I came to the realization that if I can be myself in front of strangers, theres no reason to not be myself in front of everyone. My family and most friends do not know that I am on this site, but that again is very empowering! Its like Darlin_nicky is my secret identity ( Or is my real life me my secret identity?!). They all comment about how Im back to my old self, even better then my old self. They all just think its from my divorce (but we know the truth lol!)
Ok and of course I have to mention camming’s influence on my sex life! Its been like a second sexual awakening. I am not afraid to try new things on cam, therefore I have gotten a hell of a lot crazier in my bed when the cam is shut off. I have also come to terms with my kinks, and learned new ones like being watched!
I will admit, I never expected that flashing my boobs would change my life so much. But now I have a “dont fuck with me” attitude, and when people question my confidence or choices, I just think to myself “I have been naked in front of 100’s of stangers, what can possibly hold me back?”