{"id":19723,"date":"2014-05-02T14:03:02","date_gmt":"2014-05-02T18:03:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.cam4.com\/?p=19723"},"modified":"2014-05-02T14:05:42","modified_gmt":"2014-05-02T18:05:42","slug":"behold-one-night-stand-kit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.cam4.com\/blog\/news\/behold-one-night-stand-kit\/","title":{"rendered":"Behold: The One-Night Stand Kit"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over caveman-sized portions of pizza, pasta and draft beer, I informed two good friends about the existence of a particularly intriguing new product that I had just read about. It was an all-inclusive kit for adopters of the one-night stand\u2014particularly women. Since my closest female friend is a self-proclaimed slut, (to which I insist she\u2019s just \u201ctaking back feminism one dick at a time\u201d) the mere mention of the product, \u201cThe Walk of Shame Kit\u201d (which retails for $34.99<\/a>), sparked her interest like a Craigslist ad for a bareback orgy.<\/p>\n

\"one-night-stand-kit\"\u00a0The kit comes with the following:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Dress
\n\u2022 Flip-flops
\n\u2022 Backpack
\n\u2022 Sunglasses
\n\u2022 Pre-pasted toothbrush
\n\u2022 Wipes
\n\u2022 Call\/don\u2019t call note card
\n\u2022 Breast cancer awareness bracelet<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat does the dress look like?\u201d was my friend\u2019s first question. The answer to which is disappointing: A long, grey, v-neck t-shirt. The \u201cbackpack\u201d is a measly piece of folded fabric with strings you wear over your shoulders\u2014like an Under Armor shopping bag. And the flip-flops probably wouldn\u2019t make it the entire walk home, forcing you to Flintstone the remainder of the way barefoot.<\/p>\n

These substandard products come packaged in an oversized can with a graphic of a woman ushering us to \u201cshut the fuck up\u201d about the shameful act we\u2019ve presumably just committed. Which is total bullshit. Women shouldn\u2019t feel ashamed about this behavior. None of us should. Sex is fun, and we should be able to have it (and broadcast the action on CAM4) if we choose to.<\/p>\n

There isn\u2019t a male-centric kit available (yet), but that hasn\u2019t stopped the kit makers from marketing the product towards us ball-danglers:<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd for you guys, aren\u2019t you tired of her taking your favorite tee-shirt the morning after to walk home in. Your problem is now solved,keep a Walk of Shame\u2122 Kit in your house and you don\u2019t have to worry about calling her to get your favorite tee back again.\u201d<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"walk-of-shame-skincare-dating-biore-ecards-someecards\"First of all, no man lends his one-night stand his favourite tee\u2014if he even has one. The article of clothing he does lend is usually something he\u2019s found on the floor that hasn\u2019t yet collected mold or hasn\u2019t been used to wipe his cock clean after a jerk-off session.The only question that remains is storage. I guess ladies could store the Pringles-sized can in her purse, assuming it\u2019s the size of a potato sack; but if worse comes to worse, a particularly \u201celastic\u201d woman could sit on the thing and whip it out the next morning like a rabbit from a top hat.<\/p>\n

And hey, when in doubt just call a taxi. You don’t need a kit and you’ll home quickly, safely, and privately ;)<\/p>\n

What do you think: Will this product catch on? Or flop like some sad, flaccid penis? Tell us in the comments!<\/h2>\n

No kit necessary: watch CAM4<\/a><\/p>\n

This is\u00a0the first guest post from our new contributor: Bobby! Give him a warm welcum to the CAM4 party and let him know what you think of his One-Night Stand Kit review!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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