Things That Get Stuck in Rectums
What goes in must come out. Or maybe not? This is possibly the funniest and most awkward study I’ve seen. Basically this graph is telling us that when employment rates improved in America, more things got stuck in people’s asses. Yes.
Are people happier and therefore enjoying kinkier sex when the economy is doing well? Whatever the explanation is, the numbers clearly show that rectal incidents and unemployment follow the same trend.
Thankfully, “rectal incidents” are steadily increasing. And so are employment rates. If you’re in America, things are looking good for you ;)
If you want to know what Americans are putting in their asses, here’s a list of the strangest (read: bad ideas) rectal mistakes:
Pencil(s)
Shampoo bottle
Cologne Bottle
Lotion jar
Soda can or bottle
Flashlight
Bathtub stopper
Shot glass (broken)
Sock
Ice pack
End of curtain rod
“Patient states he was experiencing an itchy rectum and inserted a remote control to scratch”
Vibrator, battery, cover
“Big purple dildo”
“Patient states he got drunk and passed out at girlfriend’s house, awoke with spoons and dildos in rectum”
Lighter
Toy Submarine
Toothbrush holder
2 halves of bar of soap
Pool ball
Lit bottle rocket “it didn’t go well”
Don’t try these at home, even if you are recently employed or American. Instead, try a dildo or anal plug from our Stockroom Store. A lit bottle rocket is never going to go well.
