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  • Gender: male
  • Member since: September 07, 2012
  • Last Broadcast: May 29, 2015 4:50:22 PM
  • Sexual Preference: gay
  • Relationship Status: single
  • Age: 19
  • Location: , USA
  • Spoken language(s): English
  • Height: 6'0"
  • Occupation: CamWhore
  • Smoke: no
  • Drink: socially
  • Body Type: slim/petite
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Dear Diary: February 2, 2015 -

just thinking...the difference between record producer, music producer then you got recording artist. My problem is i wanted to be a recording artist. but i write my songs which could make me a song writer. The only problem….I  dont know how to compose my songs or write them musically so im trying to figure out what i could be or become and whether I  want to move to LA try sale my lyrics or try produce it myself  so i not risk in getting taken advantaged of approaching other record producers. i dont know yet because i was going to apply for Dutch American Treaty and need a specific guideline on what im going to do and what kind of business i will have living in The Netherlands so i was thinking….  Monroe Model Management aka model agent, Monroe Records aka music/record producer, and song writer. but not sure how i should do this or if even should. The Dutch American Friendship Treaty will be a $10,000 - $15,000 investment. That’s how much i need to save in order to make it work or use that and just go to LA and find me an agent as a artist instead. But i feel it may take me too long for what im worth like a dancer you start young like 3 or 4 years old not 30. I wanted to be a backup dancer, singer and song writer and even get into acting but my back in 2008 caused me problems i had to quit dancing not to mention my hearing and speech impediment which hinders me even more especially  in acting and even singing. I thought maybe use $10,000 - $15,000 and possibly find a college i could attend and study American Sign Language but with my hearing loss and deafness i worry i may not be my best occupation to go into such being a sign language interpreter where i am required to hear and translate to others. Even then i doubt $10,000 would be enough to cover an associate degree which i think is 2 years and will take me 1 year just to save up $10,000. Another interest would maybe go into Health & Human services or the people that go into restaurants in United States and inspect the food to make sure it applies to state of department of health and regulators. I am not too sure about this and whether its even worth remaining in United States. If i do decide to go to college and try to become something one day then i should stay. Otherwise, for what its worth and how long it will take me to get where i need to be i dont think its worth staying in United States. If i was 18 or even 25 maybe. If it weren’t for my back and hearing issues  probably would have studied to be a pharmacist or meteologist but if i had all my hearing and not had spinal surgery im pretty sure i would have been something today but if i knew i be where i am today. A nobody,  i would have studied and even gone to a deaf school like Gallaudet University 15 years ago and been well prepared for this day. ...May God Be With Me.   

Dear Diary: January 14,  2014 -  
i feel i have nothing to live for. stuck. i try to leave but then i have no fall back plan. i run out of money that has taken me years to save and end uo back where i started again. And i keep falling back every time. like now im back where i was 2 years ago saving up. taking me another year before i can do anything. i dont know what to do. i feel not worth living for, for what i have today. Gramp is 80 years old. thinks i should live for him but i feel im not getting anything by living here except not having to pay rent lets me save up much faster but as soon i leave he feels used like a hotel. does not understand. he is living in every gay mans dream. retried, waking up everyday with a  young boy in his home. I want to go find a young guy too or someone my age who has goals i can grow old with. But why can't i find that here gramp asks ? either i blame him or i tryn make it sound like its my fault. he thinks i do not try. I should not have to try. i met him 9 years ago. i wish i only met him for the amount of time he has hired me and that was it. now it has caused me kore harm to even recover and move on with my life. i have aged greatly and making my success even harder. harder t meet people that believe i much younger and find im not makes me less attractive to them. seriously i just dont kno what do with myself. its one thing if i had sufficient other or friend to live for but i dont and certainly not going to school or have any other dreams i could fulfill. i wanted to act, sing, dance, and model. whats more for me to do ? wonder around the world again looking for my other half or 2 ? i mean gaybrusses sent me ticket to brussels but he worried gramp may not let me back in or dies and il have no where to go. and i be back where i was again, 15 years old, homeless begging again 30 years old ... i have no steps in place. no goals. save up and go brussels 3  months back here 3  months and brusssels 3 months ? thats my 2015 there. thats not really a goal thats just being lost and going back and forth living the way i been for past 15 years not getting no where in life.  im looking into some Nembutol, Pentobarbitol Sodium drugs but i want to know before i do take it why should i go bankrupt or debt so i not have to escor or do webcam or live here longer with 80 year old who im sick of looking at or being around everyday. just gross. but so is doing webcam and escorting. guys say my life could been worse and that others have it worse than me but does not make mine any better. guys say do something right ? i am doing something just not enough. i want to leave but gramp says who going to pay and support me ? i dont know . just dont want be here. where i want to go then ? well anywhere really. it can be USA or abroad . i just want to find myself or find me something to do. if i just find a partner, lover thats enough for me to keep living. i have something to live for. should i go see psychologist ? i do need help. doctor going ask me why. i don t know what to tell him.  suicide ? then he going ask me why. because i been living with old men all my life ? having sell my body to them and  ***  ? then he'l ask me why ? because i can't find anything i can do that will help me become self sufficient ? then he'll ask me why .... why.... why.... why... who has the answers ? all i do is make an excuse for everything but is that really why ? i could just say i wasn't meant to be alive. i dont think its worth living for. my life. so tell me if i can't figure out what to do and what i was meant to be in life then can you tell me or tell me where to go ? i can't guide  myself. neither 80 year old here. i can't even talk to him. he just opens the door tell me there's the door. go.

Dear Diary: January 17, 2015 -
speaking of college ...if you read my bio, i mentioned pharmacist or metoroglogist . if i was 18 or even 25 i probably go for it  because i be probably 40 if i go for it now before finishing my pharmacist degree but talking to old people too are the worst people for me to talk to. I wont be able to hear them well. If anything i would have gone to college to study sign language but i dont know any being as deaf i am today is because i had no one to sign to. it happen so late if i was as deaf i am today at younger age my life been so better today i would gone to deaf school. I would rather leave USA and study sign language in Europe or even Brazil where im more inspired and keen to learn and pursue. I love different culture and different people. If only i could find the money to put me up and live comfortably and study i would have done this long time ago but i can barely pay rent. i just dont see it happening for me here to go to a deaf college and learn sign language. i dont know but its something i can look into still. Again, if i can find the money to support myself the same time. i always wanted to be a gay counselor for the deaf but i dont think there much a market for that (gay councilor for the deaf) i was a peer mediator growing up. Everyone with relationship problems always came to me for an advice and to talk them out Like dr. phil yet i do not even have a boyfriend today but i do love to meet people and get to know them which was why if i could hear well i would love to be a bar tender, waiter or even a post man or a flight attendant. Meet people all the time. Different people too from all over walk of life.

Dear Diary: December 31, 2014 -  
Still in usa. saving up to come and look for something new in my life and see where life takes me. i am only allowed 3 months then must go find another country i can renew my tourist visa unless i can find a job (any) or get married and sponsored then i do not have to go back and forth. Maybe 3 months Belgium, 6 months UK and 3 month Belgium... will depend how much i earn on Cam4 in 3 months when im in Belgium and if i can find a place (studio or flat) or friend who can host me. I do not have a home here and if the guy who lets me stay dies i have nothing and no where to go... No friends. Honestly i rather clean houses in France than working at Mc Donald's here in America. You guys get paid $15 a hour working at Mc Donald's anyway. Here it's $7 a hour. I'm never going to find me a boyfriend here working at Mc Donald's neither cleaning houses in USA. But if French men or someone in Europe even in Brazil saw me cleaning houses i think they will want to help and give me a better life. That's the difference. Here in USA people dont care. it would be a big bargain if you could use Cam4 to pay for a better education though so I could later drop doing webcam and get a better and good paying job but i can't because i have to also pay rent and pay my travel and food expenses depending where i go to live. I do not earn enough to cover both. If only i knew i make this much i would have saved everything i have earned in the 4 years living here for free. LESSON LEARNED. I do not want to stay here though for another 4 years. I am 30 years old never paid taxes. For all the reasons i should not even be living here in USA. If i never paid taxes then that means im not earning a living nor making a living here. i should have left LONG TIME AGO which im going to do anyway eventually but you got the idea. 

Bad back hinders me getting a regular type job like doing labor. and my hearing hinders me from getting a good paying job like office reception, bank teller or even bar tending which i tried along hotel host and telemarketing working for us companies abroad that they hire for customer support (telephone). i had a good job or was given one in Argentina speaking english but they could not customize the head phone into my left ear. it goes in your right side. that would been 3,000 arg a week, Like most time you call for cutover support in usa your calls forward to countries that us companies hire cheaper to take your calls and they speak english. that was the closest i ever been to getting my life together and settle. France also helped me but i needed to speak french well. Brazil too. But moving so much to different places i had to always start all over again. find friends, connections and help. even having to learn a different language.  

Since 2003 i have moved more than 67 times and 14 countries using webcam as my only source of income. 


1. Alabama- 1985-1989

- Born with a disease called Gastroenteritis with other infections spreading in the intestines. Has had 4 operations for removal of the small intestines. The narrow, winding, upper part of the intestine where digestion is completed and nutrients are absorbed by the blood were removed.
2.  Fort Menroe, Virginia - 1989-1994

(my mom did not want me or did not want to give me up to the state so she enrolled me in the following psychiatric hospitals which i stayed for 5 years.)
Psychiatric Hospitals 
- Riverside Behavioral Health Center 
-Cumberland Hospital for  ***  &  *** 
- Charter Westbrook Psychiatric Hospital (Richmond, Virginia)
- 3 other psychiatric institution and hospital are unidentified 
- Diagnosed with hearing impairment and speech implement 
- Discharged from ADHD to ADD and off of Wellburtin, Ritalin, Methlin, Adderall and other unidentified medications for Attention Deficit hyperactivity Disorder.
3. Fort Eutis    1994-1996

4. Gloucester  1996-1999

(Mom left me and my  ***  with my dad. She left to California over a guy she met online.)
5. Newport News    1999 

(My father and  ***  were very homophobia. My  ***  would tell people to push me and slam me against lockers at school and telling them i was not his real  ***  (that i had a crush on him.) I would not go to school. I was too afraid. I had chil* protected services visited my home on a weekly basis requesting the court to remove me from home and was sent to foster care.)
6. California    2000-2002

(My foster mom passed away over the holidays visiting my mom in California. The court ordered that i stay with my mom. Being gay was not ideal and my mom boyfriend not like it. In a town with a population of 500 and school with only 300, I felt isolated and not supported in any way as a homosexual i had thoughts of committing suicide constantly everyday living with my Mom and her boyfriend. I ran away from home and never returned.)

- 2003 (moved 7x)      18 years old.

San Francisco, California  
7. Larkin Street  ***  (HOMELESS  ***  SHELTER)
8. ------  (Shawn ex boyfriend)  
9. Diamond  ***  Shelter (HOMELESS  ***  SHELTER)
10. Hostel (ALONE) Lavender  ***  Recreational & Information Center paid until 18 years of age.  
11. The Ark House. (15 housemates including Shawn) 
Ark of Refuge provides 12 to 18 months of transitional housing for youths in San Francisco. The program targets LGBTQQ. Transitional housing is affordable supportive housing designed to provide housing and appropriate support services to persons who are homeless or who are close to homelessnessness. The transition is to help them be more self sufficience to move towards independent living on their own. Transitional housing locations are oftentimes called Halfway Houses. The naming of the two (Halfway House OR Transitional House) is oftentimes interchangeable. Many Transitional Housing programs are subsidized and are income based. Income based transitional housing generally charges 30% of your income for rent when you do have income.  

(broke up with shawn and decided to move on my own using social security, 10 years later i wished i stayed and waited until i was transitioned sufficiently)

Hayward, California
12. -------- (2 housemates) (RENTED)
(found on craigslist a room for rent, home owned by a lesbian couple, they were always fighting and felt uncomfortable living there so i went on Craiglist again look for another place while i was dating a friend who also helped me get around because i had no car at the time)

San Jose, California
13. Linda Flora Street (1 housemate) (RENTED)
(Met some new friends attending a local weekly support group gathering for gays under 21 years old where they can meet in a safe environment and hangout, chat and get to know other gays like themselves. One of them had a roommate moving out and asked if i wanted to rent it with them and i said yes. 3 bedroom town home with 2 roommates including me and 1 couple sharing 1 room together.)

- 2004 (moved 8x)      19 years old.

Milpitas, California
14. Village (3 house mates) (RENTED)
(After moving i have met a guy i started liking and after talking for months i decided to pack my bags and moved to new york city assuming he had a home. I arrived and had no where to go. He was not the guy i thought i knew and neither he had a place for me. He was living with his parents who had no idea was gay.)

15. Brooklyn (CJ's friend) /no where to go yet
16. Queens (CJ's parents) /no where to go yet
17. Covenant House (HOMELESS SHELTER)
18. Sylvia's place (HOMELESS  ***  SHELTER)
19. Street Work  ***  Services (HOMELESS  ***  SHELTER)
20. Murray hill (Tim) 
(met tim online, a 20 year old student at the time living by himself in NYC. Said i could stay in his apartment until i find another place or friend i could go to. Tim thought it would been better than staying in homeless shelters. I saved up my social security staying with my friend tim free for 3 months until i had enough money to go rent a room somewhere in the city).

21. West Village (2 housemate) (RENTED)
(met another guy tim who i started to like. He was also 20 years old. For new years i decided to join him and celebrate it together in New Jersey with his friends. On new years day he drove me to his home in South Philadelphia where i decided to maybe let go of my room in New York City and stay with him instead.)

- 2005 (moved 4x)      20 years old.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

22. South Philly (Tim) 
(broke up with tim, could not trust him then became homeless, went online asking anyone who could take me in or help me)

23. West Philly (Wayne) 
(Met Wayne online, in his late 50s, He became too attached to me and tried to control me like his son and scared me. He wanted to sell his own and move me with him to Delaware in a brand new home. I did not like him or wanted to be that close to him so i met Alex online. 25 years old from Russia who i started seeing.)

24. Manayunk (Alex) 
(Alex moved to another apartment and took me along with him)

25. Roxyborough (Alex)
(Over time i started to get to know him truthfully. Seemed nice at first but realized he was a player. Just wanted sex and not a relationship. Being stuck in a 1 bed room apartment with him alone made me feel really uncomfortable. he was also discreet and not out to his family or friends which has stressed him even more and not wanted me there so i started escorting to try get more money so i could move out. 

- 2006 (move 2x)      21 years old.

(Alex moved to another apartment AGAIN and took me along with him)

Pennsylvania, USA

26. Center city, Philadelphia (Alex) (RENTED) escorted
27. ***** Pennsylvania (Tom)
(met men4rentnow and became a regular. Started taking me to my doctor appointments)

- 2007 (moved 3x)      22 years old.


28. Astoria, Queens (1 housemate, girl) (RENTED) escorted-walt paid my rent)
(found a room available for just 1 month so i decided to take it while looking for more places. 1 month was enough time for me to look around and found another room for rent in the same town i was already in) 
29. Astoria, Queens (1 housemate, lady) (RENTED) escorted-walt paid my rent)
(Met Hudson online who is from brazil. Upon meeting him he knew i was looking for a place and he happened to know a friend that was renting a room out of her apartment. She was from Peru.)

30. Astoria, Queens (1 housemate, guy) (RENTED) escorted - walt paid my rent)

(So bizarre how small my room became after moving everything in so i decided it was not going to work out for me and found another bigger room through Hudson i could rent for the same price in the same area i was in)  

- 2008 (moved 3x)      23 years old.

(Living in New York City while my health insurance was situated in another state. Pennsylvania. i had to go back and forth for checkups and followups. Upon doing so i had discovered a Tumor and was advised to have surgery immediately. So i moved back to Pennsylvania (tom) during my extensive car while Walt (escorted) held on to my room in New York so i had a place to go when i am all healed and finished with my physical therapy and radiation treatments.)

Pennsylvania, USA  
31. ***** Pennsylvania (Tom)  

32. Astoria, Queens (1 housemate) (RENTED) escorted 
(upon moving back to New York City and could not find a job to afford to live in New York City. I was pushed in having to  ***  or quit escorting and try to model. I decided to take on my first modeling contract over seas than having sell my body and have sex with men so i could support myself.)

Singapore, Singapore
33. Models Apartment (3 housemates) (RENTED)

- 2009 (moved 14x)      24 years old.

Bangkok, Thailand
34. Hotel (alone) (RENTED/no where to go yet)
35. Models Apartment (alone) (RENTED)
36. Hotel (alone) (RENTED/no where to go yet)

Manila, Philippines
37. Hotel (alone) (RENTED/no where to go yet)
38. Gioanna's friend (HOMELESS)
39. Models Apartment (4 house mates)  
40. Vito Cruz (Gian) (HOMELESS)
41. Makati Apartelle (alone) (RENTED)
42. Aparttelle (alone) (RENTED)
43. Makati Apartelle (alone) (RENTED)
44. Alabang, Philippines (K) (HOMELESS)
45. Las Pinas, Philippines (K) (HOMELESS)

Hong kong, Hong Kong
46. Models Apartment (4 house mates) (RENTED)
47. Shueng Wan (alone) (RENTED)


- 2010 (moved 8x)      25 years old.

(my model contracts were ending and had no where to go. My visa was also expiring and needed to go find another model agency so i decided to head over to one of the biggest fashion markets, Paris. I met a guy online who paid my flight and hotel for 5 days. 5 days i had to go online try to find a friend or someone who could maybe help me. I met Felipe 19, and Max early 20s. 

Paris, France
48. Ideal Hotel Design (alone) /no where to go yet
49. Les Gobelins (Max)  
(Max had family coming and i had to go find another place. I was in a tug war between Max, Felipe and my new friend. And because i fell for Felipe, Max not want to help me anymore who was living alone in his parents old home in Paris. So i met another friend online who had a friend with an empty studio somewhere in the city that was not used. He (his friend) graciously moved me in temporary by myself until i found something better or found a job. And now in a tug war between my new friend and Felipe...

50. Pryamides (alone) (HOMELESS)
(As time goes by i was just living in a $500 apartment for free in the heart of Paris. Feeling bad and horrible not spending quality time with my friend because i was seeing Felipe. They (his friend) had another friend coming in town who needs the place and gave me a 2 week notice to move out. Then i was homeless stomping up on an old friend i met 5 years ago in New York City. Jeremy. 

51. Residence le Prince Regent (Jeremy & Alex) (HOMELESS)
(Jeremy moved out of his room with his roommate, Alex. (ex boyfriend) which i felt odd about because in order to sustain this i had to also date Jeremy which was troublesome for me because i was seeing Felipe. So over time, they also asked me to leave. As i became homeless i'm also losing Felipe.) 

52. Hotel le Rocroy (alone) (RENTED) /no where to go
At the hotel, losing Felipe, i met Philipe (in his mid 20s) online who at the time was in Belgium. But i had asked Tom who i stayed in Pennsylvania to book my flight back to USA before my time was up. I had just 2 days to book out my hotel room. And only had 50 euros to either take the train to Belgium and stay with Philippe or spend 50 Euros to take taxi to Airport where tom paid my flight back to Pennsylvania. I decided to take Tom's ticket.

**United Kingdom 
I went to every agency and could not find a job or an agent to represent me and help move me further. All said i do not look like my pictures at all and that it would cost too much time and money for agencies and photographers to smooth out my pocked skin (acne scars) and those who didnt say anything about my skin all said would like for me to be 186cm not 183cm tall for the european markets at least.. i've seen EVERY agency. from IMM Bruxelles to Success to every agency in Australia and United States (new york city). I was even approached by the producers of America's Next Top Model whom i lied about my age to which they found out anyway registering for Cycle 20 and did not cast me.  

''I just gave you a call. I would definitely like to speak to you on the phone if possible. We are not sure if the casting directer will be at the PA auditions and I don't think it would be necessary. Your look is extremely strong and we would be skipping that part with you and most likely be inviting you to New York. 
I feel that confident about your look. I know you said you have a speech and hearing issue, but we can work with that. Let me know the situation so we can work around it. I am sure it won't be a problem. Please contact me as soon as you can. I don't want you to miss this opportunity. ''

- Casting Producer
America's Next Top Model

Your weight/height ratio and your rough facial skin were the reasons we didnt take digitals on you or ask for your contact info. We wish you the best. - FORD MODELS EUROPE 

Please don't be upset that we will not be able to represent you. You are not the right fit for our agency's clients. Good luck with everything and I wish you the best. - WILHELMINA 

The digitals you sent me look like a younger boy with great skin. In person you don't look as strong as the pictures...I'm sorry.  - RED MODELS NYC

Why i do not model is because i don't have a agency because i do not make money. All i have is test shots. Agencies want to see work. Tear sheets. Im old now starting out. It's much better starting out when you're much younger and for that reason i have not found an agency to take me on especially the fact im editorial, which is the lowest paying jobs in modeling. In order for agencies to get their money back from flying in a model over seas and putting them up in apartment you need jobs in other areas like commercial modeling. i have nothing but went in debt with agencies before and other agencies caught on beginning to say no to me when i tried to sign all see me as desperate someone who been trying to model and find an agency to sign him for 10 years. 

Pennsylvania, USA
53. ***** (Tom) 
(Arriving back to United States in Tom's home i stomble Philippe again and after speaking with Tom we decided it was okay to host Philippe. Philippe flew from Belgium to stay in Tom's home to meet me finally. He left early and as our relationship developed i felt maybe i could surprise him coming to Belgium towards Christmas Time. As i discovered he was already seeing another guy so i decided to converted my flight to Canada instead to Belgium. 

Toronto, Ontario
54. Wellesley X Yonge (1 house mate) (RENTED)
(Cragslist i found a room to sublet but only for just 5 days which i only had to meet new friends or find someone who could help me. Surprisingly i did found a cool friend my age and he even asked his friends hiring me at a local bar and restaurant. I had to decided to live with him in his studio apartment and over stay on an illegal status with a risk of being deported or go back to Pennsylvania. I decided to not stay and go to Pennsylvania. 

Pennsylvania, USA
55. ***** (Tom)  
(As i was no longer traveling or paying rent i was able to save everything i earned in which i was able to used later to go find another place or move. During this time i have met several nice guys online from many different parts of the world and decided Buenos Aires over Mexico City because as winter was approaching Buenos Aires is much warmer to be in during this time of the year despite having modeling potential and job potentials in Mexico City i felt i could get the culture experience of speaking and learning spanish i could use later moving to Spain.)

- 2011 (moved 6x)      26 years old.

Buenos Aires, Argentina
60. Palermo Soho (alone) (RENTED)
(i liked Buenos Aires and i felt i could have stayed but i was afraid if my social security back in Pennsylvania ends i had no support system to rely on. Moving to Buenos Aires i was earning money on webcam but found their internet isn't as strong and developed as first world nations are. And i had to move as my savings were getting shorter. I met so many Brazilians in Argentina that have advised to move to Brazil if i needed help because in their culture they treat friends like family. With only enough money for 1 months rent i rushed to Brazil before running out. I found a room for rent even though i did not have enough to move in they accepted my terms with what i had. Another reason the guys in Argentina advised me to go to Brazil.) 

Sao Paulo, Brazil
61. Consolacao (3 house mates) (RENTED)
(So as i arrived i discovered the same situation i was in Argentina. But luckily i was able to meet more guys and potential friends in 1 week than all the places i have been in all my life combined. Remarkably i met Eduardo who shared my story to his mom who decided to take me in as her own son. While dating her son! it was crazy but also a fairytale at the same time. 

Altinopplis, Brazil
62. ------ (Eduardo's mom) (HOMELESS)
(My visa expiring with no where to go to renew it. I decided to come back to Tom in Pennsylvania. With the assumption of waiting 3 months and save up all my earnings then go back to Brazil and find a place me and Eduardo can stay together.)

Pennsylvania, USA
63. ***** (Tom) 
(Financially speaking i felt i could gain a better life in Montreal with rent costing only $600 or less. And not having to move every 3 months like i would have to do to be with Eduardo. I went to Canada instead and me and Eduardo broke up.)

Montreal, Quebec
64. McGill Ghetto (alone) (RENTED)
(Conscience, Brazil passed gay marriage and to this day i regret it not going back to Eduardo. With gay marriage, i would had no problem staying and be able to find a job and not have to move again. With all the money i spending to live in Canada i decided to move back to Pennsylvania and use this to invest in myself. Get my GED (high school diploma) and try to ''Create'' my home instead of traveling ''searching'' for my home.)

Pennsylvania, USA
65. ***** (Tom)  

- 2012      27 years old.

- 2013      28 years old.

- 2014      29 years old.

- 2015      30 years old  :(

(After 4 years staying to try create my home and establish myself i felt i been better off staying in Canada moving every 6 months (2 times a year even if i just went back and forth to Pennsylvania every 6 months to renew my visa status) with time, i felt i would been able to gain better relationships, friends and better experiences with people. And more friends means more connections. With more help i get the better i be be able to improve myself and gain prosperity.) 

- 2015 (moved x2) pending

Brussels, Belgium 
66. Brussels (Alain) 
67. to be announced,,, 

(Given me the opportunity to come stay at his place for 3 months to meet people and see where life takes me. I'll have my own room and live rent free like i have here. i want to try find friends who could possibly help me get a job that will allow me stay even longer and grow my relationships. Possibly get married too will also help me become stable if i want to move to Europe and stay or a Legal Cohabitation. Legal Cohabitation in Belgium is a living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. You can legally coexist with a family member or any person with whom you have relationships without sexual connotation.

Dear Diary: December 31, 2014 -  
Still in USA... saving up to come and look for something new in my life and see where life takes me. i am only allowed 3 months then must go find another country i can renew my tourist visa unless i can find a job (any) or get married and sponsored then i do not have to go back and forth. Maybe 3 months Belgium, 6 months UK and 3 month Belgium... will depend how much i earn on Cam4 in 3 months when im in Belgium and if i can find a place (studio or flat) or friend who can host me. I do not have a home here and if the guy who lets me stay dies i have nothing and no where to go...


Because it's safer than prostitution. Here I do not have to have sex with men or risk in getting HIV or AIDS and do not have a better job than this yet Why ? Probably because i do not have any skills besides sucking dick. I have a weak back. A bone was removed from my spinal cord and do not have the sufficient support to stand on my feet all day or longer than 1 hour without falling over (If i bend or lift heavy objects my time will be cut to 5 - 10 minutes) I can barely keep myself up washing my face every morning (bending forward i usually hold myself with my arms on the sink or leg.) and sitting for long periods without changing my posture will otherwise damage my spinal nerve roots and put more pressure on my spinal cord. Causing some swollen and bruising in spinal column from ''working'' 

Tumor was discovered after a MRI scan on my lumbar spine after reporting numbness and weakness throughout my legs and lower back. Tumor was named, Myxopapillary Espendymoma (WHO classification grade 1). Disk was cut and removed from my spinal column in order to reach the tumor growing inside my spinal cord. The size of tumor extended from conus medullaris to the S2 level requiring me to undergo post radiation and rehabilitation. During extensive care I became severely profound in my right ear and profound (totally deaf) in my left ear due to a degenerative condition that was caused by a drug interaction called ototoxicity. Ototoxic drugs includes antibiotics, chemotherapy and anti-inflammatory drugs (including Viagra) #Others 

And still to this day because of the depth of radiation i had to have i've had several Urinary Tract Infections (UTI) mostly from Urinary Catheters i had to use for almost a year which led me to Chronic Urinary Retention and the Doctors are saying the radiation is why i may have Delayed ejaculation :( also called retarded ejaculation or inhibited ejaculation :(

If i could find an office setting where i have to sit or a job that requires me to stand i could wear my Back Brace if i am not required to bend over and i should be okay. The Doctor says it's going to get worst as i age i will get weaker. He mentioned the Walker. I have a Cain now but i do not use it and i do not wear my Back Brace on cam because it covers half of my body half (i wore it before and didn't make any tokens so i stopped) I am also deaf (profound) on my right ear and hearing impaired (severely profound) on my left ear the only ear i can hear about 30% and i have a speech disorder (speech impediment) Otherwise, I would have LOVED to be your Bartender making your drinks :) and just like a waiter, instead of me writing what you want - you'll be screaming, yelling at me and having to write what you want on paper for me (that's why i could never get a job anywhere waiting tables... I am on disability and only get $600 a month from Social Security. I get food stamps too. I wish i could find something better but this is all i have for now. If you like to help me see my amazon wish list or send a tip in my ''TIP JAR" seen on the left bottom side of your screen on my profile. Thank you. 


My passion is music and performing arts. Ive been writing songs since 12 but unable to make a living composing my music. I have found that my hearing and speech has hinder my efforts to succeed. Id love to have a job traveling and meeting many different types of people. In a busy environment that has lots of energy time goes by really fast. I wanted to be a bartender which i have always though was perfect fit for me or even being a flight attendant but i am unable to hear well in that field. Next in line would be becoming a Meteorologist or Pharmacist but ia m afraid i have no way of paying my way in student loans or getting into college without a job or fixed address. I need to find a place i want to be my home and feel home before looking into going to college. That consist where i fit in most and able to sustain myself self sufficiently. Where i can be independently on my own again. Thats where i like to make my friends in, go to college and eventually work. Right now i am staying with someone in U.S.A until i gain better ground in taking care of myself and able to get my own place to live and make my own choices. If you still see me here i have not had any luck to change and have not received the right help. I cannot change by remaining dependent on another for things that isn't mine. So as soon i save up or find a better opportunities and a place i go could go where i can seek a better quality of life and well being then that's when my life will change. Again... I am looking for ANY job i can support myself (without compromising what i already have) unless it's more than i have now for example moving into someone else's home isn't helping me at all becoming self sufficient if it's in someone else's home, sharing or having roommates is still dependent. My goal is to become self sufficient not dependent. A job with an ideal salary will give me independence and help me become self sufficient. I have no particular field as long it pays ''living wages'' and not ''minimum wages'' . I would like a job i can possibly transfer to another city or state after 6 months to a year of employment. Right now i am currently staying in U.S.A with somebody i met online and i dont know how long thats going to last. Again, since i have no available funds for an education I be willing to go through any necessary job trainings to gain any skills i need for a better future and relocate if appropriate. Thank you 


- Has diversity and cultural experiences. Moved more than 67 times and 14 countries since 2003 as a fashion model. 
- Excelled in numerous positions demanding customer service and working in fast paced environments both individually and cooperatively on a team.
-Significant experience in meeting the demands of an employers and clients. Enthusiastic, punctual, organized and efficient. 


Room and Line Monitor, Trade Show Temps

San Francisco, CA 
June 2003 - October 2003

Provided reception at front desk
Assisted guests with information 
Assembled gift bags and informational packets for participants.

Program Director Intern, Lavender  ***  Recreational and Information Center

San Francisco, CA
April 2003 - August 2003

Assisted with all office/administrative duties under the direction of the program director 
Evaluated educational training tools and researched subjects at the request of. the director 
Provided data entry

Hiring Committee Intern, Lavender  ***  Recreational and Information Center

San Francisco, CA
April, 2003 - August, 2003

Reviewed cover letters and resumes of job applicants
Conducted interviews of candidates by telephone and in person.


General Educational Development Diploma 

i dont have any that would produce any results. Tracy Boggs no longer works there anymore as program director and i have not had a job in over 10 years now. And times i have tried, i had to lie and make up references or used ''friends'' as references and that has not helped me either. Most of my jobs were only temporary and not life long career liked jobs i could easily use as a reference. I even used others as job references in the past. i been fired or not hired either from using fake resume, fake references or just not living at an address long enough to be reliable as you see on my resume i have not stayed at a job more than 6 months or longer. It's not what i know anymore, it's who i know. 

I like to be around people who share life experiences and are positive energizers (people). People who lift me higher, who inspire me or make me a better person. Lots of people would want to ride with you in the limo, but at the end of the day i'd rather have someone who will take the bus with me when the limo breaks down... Those are the people i want in my life and the people i call my ''friends.''


When it comes to getting to know me though you'll never get to know me by just chatting to me but being with me... A lot of guys want it easy but unfortunately you'll only get to know me by being with me not sleeping with me either. I am extremely an observing person, very particular with my surroundings and know who my friends are. I'm the guy who likes to sit in the very back and watch everything happen because it's not always what you say. It's what you do. What you show. I'm not the chatty type of guy either so i may not be so great with small talk but i am better with LONG walks :D I enjoy going places, traveling, exploring life and its people. 

Movies, Riding bikes, Jogging, Fishing, Swimming, Cooking, Pets, Gym, Beaches, Performing arts, Walking in the city, Going out at night, Dinning out, Taking bubble baths, Traveling, Exploring the world and its cultures, Experiencing the finest things that life has to offer!

i always believed... ''If home is where the heart is,'' then where he is, is my home too.'' because it takes 2 to love... 
You both have to be able take care of each other both ways. If you can't move in with me and i can't move in with you then therefore neither of us can take care of each other. It works the same way loving yourself first. If you do not love yourself then what love is there to give to someone else ?

Everyone is focusing on careers, education and other things in life because what are you going to do with someone else  if you can't even take care of yourself?

Being able to be independent and taking care of yourself leaves room for someone to walk in your life for whatever reason that may be would be based on that individual however, it is not so much of finding someone who wants to love you but someone who can love you. 

Someone who has the time to and is willing to invest their time. There's a difference making time but having time to love you is more compatible. Love goes both ways. It is not a 1 way street. Takes 2 to love...

 Perfect example...    
PIERS MORGAN: Well, what made you fall in love with him?
JADA PINKETT SMITH: I would say Will (WILL SMITH) came at a time in my life where he saw beauty in me that I didn't see in myself at the time. And, you know, he saw a diamond in the rough and kind of, picked me up and blew off all the dust and said, I'm telling you, I'm going to make you shine girl.
PIERS MORGAN: He certainly did that.
JADA PINKETT SMITH: Right, exactly. So, I was going through a really rough time and, you know, he created a really safe space for me to get healthy and to grow and define myself.) 

Will be my husband, my best friend and my everything. That believes marriage is not love but a commitment. Shows me sincerity, patience, trustworthy, honestly, a since of understanding, has compassion for each other and most importantly, communication. That my kind of love and the only type of love i trust. 

Movies, Riding bikes, Jogging, Fishing, Swimming, Cooking, Pets, Gym, Beaches, Performing arts, Walking in the city, Going out at night, Dinning out, Taking bubble baths, Traveling, Exploring the world and its cultures, Experiencing the finest things that life has to offer!


''I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.'' 
- Marylin Monroe

"Step back, stop judging and understand that everybody has a story. Everybody got there for a reason and people are who they are. 
- Ellen

''No judgement, you don't know peoples situation circumstances.'' 

- Mo'Nique 

''If you judge people, you have no time to love them'' 
-  ***  Teresa

"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you'll fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.
- Jim Rohn

"Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. 
- Oprah Winfrey

''When youve worked hard, and done well, and walked through that doorway of opportunity you do not slam it shut behind you you reach back, and you give other folks the same chances that helped you succeed.'' 
- Michelle Obama (DNC 2012) 

''Every one of us gets through the tough times because somebody is there, standing in the gap to close it for us.'' 
- Oprah Winfrey

''You must constantly ask yourself these questions: Who am I around? What are they doing to me? What have they got me reading? What have they got me saying? Where do they have me going? What do they have me thinking? And most important, what do they have me becoming? Then ask yourself the big question: Is that okay? Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.'' 
- Jim Rohn

''You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.'' 
- Jim Rohn


''You dont have to be rich to have a rich life.'' to me your friends, life experiences and perhaps your  ***  or dog /cat could make your life richer. Make you who you are today. 

''Travel the only thing money can buy that makes you richer.'' Experience is education, even adventure can enrich you and the lives of others that you meet along the way. 


Friend: I think what you are doing is so great, to open up your home to him. Honey you are changing that boy's life. Leigh Anne Tuohy: No, he is changing my life. - THE BLIND SIDE 

Topher Grace: ''In a relationship you have to accept the other person for all of who they are and not just the parts that are easy to like...And your stupid if you turn your back on something as important as love.'' - THE VALENTINES DAY 

Will Smith: ''Dont ever let someone tell you that you cant do something. Not even me. You got a dream, you gotta protect it. When people cant do something themselves, theyre gonna tell you that you cant do it. You want something, go get it. Period.'' - THE PURSUIT Of HAPPINESS 

Wesley: ''I don't know what's out there, and what's waiting for me 'but whatever it is, I'm gonna find it.'' - GOOD DEEDS 

MoNique: ''No Judgement, because you don't know people circumstances.''- PRECIOUS 


1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be. Slower is better.

3. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

4. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can’t “be friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend. Don’t settle!

5. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better” You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

6. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

7. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of  ***  by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

8. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

9. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

10. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

11. You cannot change a man’s behavior. Change comes from within.

12. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are. Even if he has more education or in a better job.

13. Never borrow someone else’s man.

14. A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

15. You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two way street.

16. You need time to heal between relationships. There is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

17. You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary not supplementary.

18. Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you’re always readily available to him – he takes it for granted.

19. Never move into his  *** ’s house. Never co-sign for a man.

20. You should know that you’re the best thing that could ever happen to anyone and if a man mistreats you, he’ll miss out on a good thing. If he was attracted to you in the 1st place, just know that he’s not the only one. They’re all watching you and you want more .. so you have a lot of choices. Make the right one.

Complimentary VS Supplementary

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Complimentary Relationship: Mutual affinity (companionship) where the participants with different behavior patterns do what is in joint interest and sustains the relationship. Supplementary: added to complete or make up a deficiency.
In a relationship, being complimentary means neither you and i have perfect qualities. So we would unite to bring them to perfect. My strong quality compliments your weak quality and your strong quality compliments my weak quality. Those qualities come together to make one stronger and we keep exchanging them back and forth to sustain our relationship because we would need each other, always.
It takes 2 people to live together. Each one must have some of the qualities. The reason i say this because neither one of us would have all of them which is why we would be coming together so they're all there.
You can't live on love long. If all you have is love you need other qualities to keep that love strong or to sustain the relationship because love itself is not sustaining. Otherwise, there be no divorces and breakups existing today and open relationships.
You must have sincerity, patience, trustworthy, honestly, a since of understanding, compassion for each other and most importantly, COMMUNICATION. At least that's what comes to my mind what love is all about and most importantly, COMMUNICATION!
 I'm sure there are more qualities out there but If you don't have the one you need than that's why one day you'll fall right out of love. So what we need is to look at at our strengths and weaknesses.
To attract each other continuously there must be + and -  that complimentary.  A + and another + would be supplementary which would not do much to you if you already have that. Most likely being in a very boring relationship which why those are who are - and - or + and + usually are just friends with benefits or in an open relationship so they can get everything they're missing or need.
Overall,  If two people can compliment each other and come to understanding the fundamental rules of love than everything should be perfectly fine...

* Get Real
* Pan's Labyrinth
* Amelie
Guillermo del Toro
* Set it Off
* City of God
* Love Actually
Paul W. S. Anderson
* Selena
* Erin Brockovich
* The Pursuit of Happyness
Bryan Singer
* He's Just Not Into You
* Crash
* Supersize Me
Michael Bay
* Going for the Distance
* Precious
* The blind Side 
Michael Moore
Danny Boyle
* Elite Squad: The Enemy Within
* Inside Man
J. J. Abrams 

* Fun with Dick and Jane
* Superbad
* Madea
* Zombieland
* Margaret Cho
* Scary Movie 2
* Shaun of the Dead 

Hellraiser franchise, Freddy Krueger franchise, Texas Chainsaw Massacre franchise, Hills Have Eyes franchise, Wrong Turn franchise, Jeepers Creepers franchise, Resident Evil franchise, Underworld franchise, Hostel franchise, The Blair Witch Project (1999), 28 Weeks Later, 28 Days Later, The Descent COOL MOVIES! Lord of the Rings franchise, The Hobbit franchise, X-Men franchise, Transformers franchise, Thor franchise, StarTrek franchise, Captain America: Winter Soldier 

The X-Files (All time favorite)
The Strain
The Oprah Winfrey Show
Judge Judy
America's Next Top Model
Shark Tank
The Profit
Suze Orman Show
------------------growing up
Goof Troops
Power Rangers
Mighty Ducks
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The most private thing Im willing to admit... 
i'm not 18 so i'll know if you read my bio or not. I also suffer Social anxiety (disorder). I am deaf on my right ear (profound) and hearing impaired on my left ear (severely profound) with speech impediment (speech disorder). I have a weak lumbar spine due of a spinal tumor Myxopapillary Espendymoma WHO classification grade 1. Herniated Disk with mild scoliosis. During hospitalization for removal of my benign tumor, i had an ototoxicity and lost more than 70% of my hearing. And SOMETIMES have an arousal dysfunction (Sexual Arousal Disorder) i told my doctor I am not able to shoot or ejaculate as i used to. (used to hit my face and even the ceiling :) but now my cum just drools out. The doctor says it's from radiation and can be permanent or sometimes heal back. I Have to keep practicing working with my ''new nerves and try to strengthen the muscles'' I also have a short intestines which prevents me from absorbing all my nutrients and fats from foods i eat which is why i also have Osteoporosis (I've loss more than 30% bone density) and have IBS (Irritable bowel syndrome.)

Any UNAUTHORIZED use of my profile, video, pictures or audio in any form or in a forum now or in the future is NOT permissible without my expressed written consent. Any act to promote or gain profit in any manner (e.g. either monetarily or socially) from the use of my profile, video, pictures or audio in any form my profile is a violation of my privacy and subject of my privacy and subject to fines of up to $250,000 and up to five years imprisonment. BY WATCHING THIS: You acknowledge and agree that you shall not post, upload, publish, transmit or make available in any way content of this page including images and recording streamed live video available for download. This is intended as, and presented as a one time, live, one view presentation only. Penalties of Copyright Infringement: By reproducing, republishing or redistributing the work of a copyright holder without permission, you may be violating or infringing on his or her rights under the Copyright Act. The copyright holder may sue for compensation cost from $250 to $150,000 or ONE YEAR JAIL SENTENCE. - Section 8: Your Use Of Content On The Site The Content accessed via the  ***  website is owned by or licensed to  *** , subject to copyright and other intellectual property rights under the law. Content is provided to you AS IS for your information and personal use only and may not be downloaded, copied, reproduced, distributed, transmitted, broadcast, displayed, sold, licensed, or otherwise exploited for any other purposes whatsoever. You may access User-Submitted Content for your information and personal use solely as intended through the provided functionality of the  ***  website. You shall not copy or download any User-Submitted Content by any means or for any purpose. You agree to not engage in the use, copying, or distribution of any of the Content, including any use, copying, or distribution of User-Submitted Content of third parties obtained through the website for any commercial purposes.

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Sex Questionnaire

Do you enjoy cyber-sex? no

Do you use sex toys? sometimes :)

Do you enjoy oral sex? only if you cum swap with me :)

Do you enjoy anal sex? if cream pies includes YES!

Do you enjoy porn movies? no

Are you interested in sex with multiple partners? no

Do you enjoy BDSM? no

What is your favorite sexual fantasy? getting gang bang bt One Direction and Justine Bieber and sucking Russian solders out of glory holes ;)

What do you look for in a sexual partner? commitment and loyalty

Who is the one person you would most like to have sex with? michelle obama

My Wish Lists


My Friends and Favorites

BY WATCHING THIS: You acknowledge and agree that you shall not post, upload, publish, transmit or make available in any way content of this page including images and recording streamed live or video available for download. Penalties of Copyright Infringement: By reproducing, republishing or redistributing the work of a copyright holder without permission, you may be violating or infringing on his or her rights under the Copyright Act.